Survivor: Arctic
by Seadragon
Summary: The Whole Crew From Tortall Take Part in Survivor! [On hold, victim of Writer's Block]


Disclaimer: No I don't own Tamora Pierce's Characters, or Survivor. But I do own the Snake Infested, Extremely Demonic, Dastardly Dangerous, Not So Tropical, Island of Doom!  
  
Worm: Can you burn things on these islands? *indicates to matches in hand*  
  
Kade: NO! What's the point of that?  
  
Abel: Worm! I'll get you! My hair won't grow back for 5 months!  
  
Worm: *whines* Its not my fault that Kade told me to soak your hair in gasoline before the show!  
  
Kade: WHAT?! *growls menacingly*  
  
Worm: *quivers* I have the right to remain silent!  
  
Abel: *looks at Kade* Well? Should we do it?  
  
Worm: *looks at her with a scared look* Do what?  
  
Kade: *nods* Uh huh. I think we should.  
  
Abel: *pokes Worm* Alright Worm, hand over your matches!  
  
Worm: *looks aghast* What? WHY?!  
  
Kade: Now.  
  
Worm: *mutters to self and pulls pack of matches from pocket*  
  
Abel: All of them Worm! *gives a look*  
  
Worm: *pouts and gives Abel and Kade death glares*  
  
Kade: *points to Abel's outstretched hand*  
  
Worm: *digs in pockets, combat boots, bra, and back pack*  
  
Kade: I know you have more! Now!  
  
Abel: *nods*  
  
Worm: How did you know?! *pulls off sunglasses and pushes two tiny buttons*  
  
Abel: *looks shocked when two matches come out of holes on the frames* Kade: And the lock picks!  
  
Worm: *pouts again* Why me?! Why can't I have any fun?!  
  
Abel: For good reason! Your fun is dangerous!  
  
Worm: *hands over lock picks*  
  
Kade: Knifes! Sword!  
  
Worm: *whines* Do I have to?  
  
Abel: YES!  
  
Worm: *hands over 10 knifes hidden in various places and a sword*  
  
Kade: Thanks you *stuffs weapons in pockets and she and Abel leave*  
  
Worm: *palms hidden dagger and pack of matches* You didn't really think I'd give them all to them did you? *grins evilly*  
  
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Kade: Welcome to the Snake Infested, Extremely Demonic, Dastardly Dangerous, Not So Tropical, Island of Doom! For Survivor: Arctic. *smiles weirdly at cameras* I am your host! Along with my co-hosts Abel and Worm! And here are our sixteen contestants!  
  
Squire Alan(na) of Trebond!  
  
Crown Prince Jonathan of Tortall!  
  
George, King of the Thieves!  
  
Squire Keladry of Mindelan!  
  
Faithful the Cat!  
  
Sir Alexander of Tirragen!  
  
Squire Nealan of Queenscove!  
  
Domitan of Masbolle!  
  
Sir Raoul of Goldenlake!  
  
Sir Gary (Gareth the younger) of Naxen  
  
Master Thom of Trebond!  
  
Duke Roger if Conte!  
  
Page Owen of Jesslaw!  
  
Princess Thayet jian Wilima of Sarain!  
  
Buriram Tourakom  
  
Squire Alan (Seadragon- yes a girl named Alan!) of Kailani  
  
(A/N- just to clear something up, Alanna, Jon, Gary, Alex, Raoul, George, Thom, Faithful and Roger are from Alanna's first year as a squire, when only Jonathan knew she was a girl. Kel, Neal, Dom and Owen (and since Owen is a year younger he is a page) are from Kel's first year as a squire. Thayet and Buri are from when they first met Alanna. And special guest player(s) Seadragon (better known here as Alan?! is from when she was a squire, ten years after Kel became a knight and is Alanna's squire.)  
  
*The participants come from out of their boats (a different one for each time)*  
  
Alan(na)- *gives the hosts death glares* HEY! You said it would be a TROPICAL Island!  
  
Worm: *smugly* No we didn't we said it would be a Snake Infested, Extremely Demonic, Dastardly Dangerous, Not So Tropical, Island of Doom!  
  
Alan(na): Oh. *looks angry* But I'll freeze!  
  
Kade: Calm down Alannn *looks frantic*  
  
Alan(na): *hisses* Careful! Or else! *grins evilly and points to Lightening*  
  
Keladry: Why are Alanna and I the same age?! Oops. *realizes that if they are the same age, no one knows that Alan is in fact Alanna*  
  
Alanna: YOU! You'll pay! Who are you any ways?  
  
All except Alanna, Faithful, Jonathan, Alan (the other one), Thayet, Buri and everyone from Kel's time: What?!  
  
Alanna: Er, you see, its like this. *launches into long and drawn out explanation*  
  
Raoul: *just sees everyone that is not from his time* Hey! Who are all you people?! Why weren't you surprised that Alan, Alanna, sorry, is a girl?  
  
Kel: I don't know about this guy over here *indicates to Alan* or these two *nods at Thayet and Buri* but WE *points to herself, Neal, Owen, and Dom* are from the future!  
  
Gary: The future? *looks skeptically at her*  
  
Neal: *impatient look* YES the FUTURE! Is it that hard to believe?!  
  
All except those four and Alan: Yes.  
  
Neal: Oh. *looks confused*  
  
Owen: Isn't this just jolly Kel? We are visiting Alanna, and her friends as squires and knights! It's so jolly!  
  
All from Alanna's time including Thayet, Buri and Alan: *back away slowly making the sign for evil*  
  
Kel: Shh Owen, you're scaring them. I'm Squire Keladry of Mindelan.  
  
Neal: I'm Squire Nealan of Queenscove.  
  
Owen: I'm Owen of Jesslaw! I'm a page.  
  
Dom: I'm Domitan of Masbolle, I'm in the King's Own.  
  
Jon: Ok, so we've got you four covered, but what about you two? *points to Thayet and Buri*  
  
Thayet: Umm, I'm Princess Thayet jian Wilima of Sarain. And this is my guard Buriram Tourakom. We were travelling with you, Alanna, before we were brought here. I think we are from five years after you, your highness.  
  
Jon: Right. Did I tell you your beautiful? *gives her a smile*  
  
Alanna: *kicks Jon* Stop it!  
  
Faithful: you forgot someone Alanna, she reminds me of you!  
  
Alanna: She? But there is only one person left, and he is a squire.  
  
Faithful: Fine, don't listen to the cat. You'll learn soon enough anyway.  
  
Alanna: *scowls at Faithful* Fine. Hey you! *points at Alan*  
  
Alan: Yes milady? *bows to the younger version of her knight master*  
  
Alanna: Who are you?  
  
Alan: I'm Squire Alan of Kailani, I'm from 35 years in the future.  
  
Faithful: She lies.  
  
Alanna: What?  
  
Alan: I do not! What would you know? You're a cat!  
  
Faithful: Don't give me that missy! What is your real name?  
  
Alanna: You can understand Faithful?  
  
Alan: Fine, my name is Alanya. I'm a girl, after Keladry became a knight, girls were treated even worse. I have to masquerade as a boy, like you did Lioness.  
  
Keladry: I do become a knight? I pass the ordeal? What am I like then?  
  
Alanya: *shakes her head* I can't tell you.  
  
Thom: What about me?  
  
Alanya: Well I suppose I can tell everyone on my tribe one thing. We will just have to wait and see.  
  
Kade: Excellent! We have perfect timing! Now here are the lists of the two tribes. Tribe 1 get into the purple canoe, Tribe 2, the orange canoe. You will find a map and your materials in the canoe. You need a tribe name by tomorrow for the reward challenge *nails lists to a tree*  
  
All: *cluster around the lists*  
  
TRIBE 1  
  
Alanna  
  
Alanya  
  
Kel  
  
Dom  
  
Owen  
  
Jon  
  
Faithful  
  
Thayet  
  
TRIBE 2  
  
George  
  
Thom  
  
Roger  
  
Neal  
  
Buri  
  
Raoul  
  
Gary  
  
Neal: *whines* But I don't know anyone!  
  
Abel: Deal with it kid! *forgets the fact that Neal is five years older then her*  
  
Worm: Wow, I didn't know you had it in you Abel! *looks awestruck*  
  
All: *get into their respective boats*  
  
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The Purple Canoe Tribe:  
  
Alanna: We have the best Tribe ever! Now we just need a name! Right everyone?  
  
All: *look nervous* Yes of course!  
  
Alanna: Good, glad we agree on something! Now what should it be?  
  
Owen: Jolly Time Travelers!  
  
All except Owen: NO!  
  
Owen: *looks hurt*  
  
Alanna: I know! King's Champions!  
  
All except Owen: Ya, that sounds good!  
  
Owen: But that's even worse than mine is! Why did you say no to mine?!  
  
Kel: That's easy. Alanna is a better fighter than you are!  
  
Owen: I guess that makes sense. *looks confused*  
  
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Orange Canoe Tribe:  
  
George: Ok! *looks at map* We have to go straight then right.  
  
Neal: Give me that! *steals map* Ah ha! I thought so! We have to go left then straight! You were lying!  
  
George: No I wasn't, you're just reading it upside down! *turns the map*  
  
Neal: Oh *looks sheepish* Ok straight then right. *screams*  
  
Thom: What now?! *looks where Neal is pointing and screams too*  
  
Raoul: For goodness sakes, what is it you two?! *looks where they are both frantically pointing and pales* Oh.  
  
Gary: WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!  
  
Raoul: Well you see, we are heading straight into an iceberg, and as none of us has ever been in a canoe before, we don't know how to steer.  
  
Gary: Oh is that all? *looks bored*  
  
Raoul: How can you be so calm?! We are going to die in a couple minutes!  
  
Gary: Well, why doesn't Thom or Roger just blast that bloody thing out of the water?  
  
George: That's a good point. Thom? *looks at Thom*  
  
Thom: Fine, why is it always me! *throws ball of fire at the iceberg and it explodes*  
  
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King's Champions:  
  
Alanna: Alright! We're here!  
  
Faithful: You noticed?  
  
Jon: Ok. Thayet, and I will get water. Kel, Dom, and Owen, you build the shelter. Alanna and Alanya, collect food and start a fire.  
  
Thayet: Umm your highness? You might not want to have Alanna cook. She is quite awful at it. *blushes*  
  
Dom: And Keladry is an awful carpenter! *mouths 'sorry' to Kel*  
  
Alanna and Kel: *shrug*  
  
Jon: Alright, Kel will cook and gather food, Alanna will start the fire. Alanya, Dom, and Owen will build the shelter. And Thayet and I will collect water! Happy?  
  
Dom: Well now that you mention it.  
  
Jon: NO! STOP! HALT! BE QUIET! On second thought I really don't care what anyone thinks! *goes very red in the face*  
  
All: *go to do their tasks*  
  
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Orange Canoe Tribe:  
  
Thom: Alright, since we have two sorcerers, we should be the Sorcerers' Slaves!  
  
Neal: THREE! *looks very indignant*  
  
Gary: Are you implying the rest of us should be your slaves?  
  
Thom, Roger, and Neal: Yes.  
  
Gary: Oh, ok then.  
  
All except Thom, Roger, Neal and Gary: NO! *very angry*  
  
Thom: Fine. Can any of you non-sorcerers think of a better name? *scowls*  
  
Buri: Actually, probably yes.  
  
Roger: Then what? If you're so smart.  
  
Gary: Umm. *looks sheepish* Raoul?  
  
Raoul: Er. I don't know! George?  
  
George: The Rogue? No. Buri?  
  
Buri: *blushes* I dunno.  
  
Thom: See? We should use our name!  
  
Neal: Since you can't think of any, we use ours!  
  
Roger: Ha ha ha!  
  
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King's Champions:  
  
Alanna: So Kel, whose squire are you? *gathers fire wood*  
  
Kel: *collects various foods* Raoul's, he's the Knight Commander of the King's Own!  
  
Alanna: Really? What did he do to deserve that? *snickers*  
  
Kel: *looks hurt*  
  
Alanna: No not you! Being commander of the King's Own! All those pathetic noble men who can't fight! *laughs*  
  
Kel: HEY! Dom is in the Own! Oh. I know what you mean, it's changed. It's actually a weapon of the Crown now.  
  
Alanna: *looks interested* What about me? What happens to me?  
  
Kel: *unsure* well, I'm not sure if I should tell you.  
  
Alanna: *drops fire wood and reaches for Lightening*  
  
Kel: Well, when you put it that way!  
  
Alanna: Good, now what do I do?.  
  
Some where across camp.  
  
Jon: So Thayet. *stares at her*  
  
Thayet: Yes? Alanna has warned me about you!  
  
Jon: *confused* How? She has never even met you! Oh. *realization dawns on him* Right.  
  
Thayet: *sighs* this is going to be a long 40 days.  
  
In the clearing they called home.  
  
Dom: Owen, can you pass me that block of ice?  
  
Owen: Which one? They all look the same to me. *looks confused*  
  
Alanya: I feel sorry for Kel, how did she survive with you, Owen?  
  
Dom: She had Neal to keep her sane, wait a minute?! Did I say Meathead would keep her sane? The cold is getting me! *looks appalled*  
  
Alanya: Meathead? Who is that? *baffled*  
  
Dom: My cousin, Nealan of Queenscove. They were all pages together. *rolls his eyes* I don't know how she did it but I'd like to see if it would work for me too!  
  
Alanya: *laughs*  
  
________________________________________________________________  
  
Sorcerers' Slaves:  
  
George: Where are we going to sleep? *looks around at pitiful campsite consisting of a pile of sticks they hadn't been able to light, a pile of sticks they hadn't been able to make a shelter with, and a pile of sticks, yup you guessed it, a pile of sticks they hadn't been able to make hold water*  
  
Thom: Well, I get the pile of sticks we weren't able to build a shelter with, Neal claimed the pile of sticks we weren't able to light, and Roger wants the pile of sticks we weren't able to make hold water. So I guess you could have that pile of leaves over there. *indicates to a pile of leaves*  
  
George: *stares* Thom, that's a bush!  
  
Thom: Oh.  
  
Buri: *poking the bush* George I think you should come see this!  
  
George: *sighs* what?  
  
Buri: Look! *points behind bush*  
  
George: A CAVE! We don't have to sleep on sticks!  
  
Roger: But what if we want to?  
  
George: That's your problem, *mutters under breath* no wonder Alanna hates you!  
  
Roger: I heard that! I think.  
  
Raoul: Is there enough room for us all? Excluding the strange people sleeping on sticks?  
  
Buri: Ya, I think so, well at least it might fit all of us with our legs hanging out.  
  
Gary: Oh well, that's better that sticks!  
  
Neal: Well excuse me! I like the sticks, the sticks are my friend!  
  
All except Neal, Thom, and Roger who are nodding in understanding: *back away slowly and make the sign to ward of evil*  
  
________________________________________________________________  
  
King's Champions:  
  
Alanna: God. Damn. Matches! *throws match box on the ground*  
  
All excluding Alanna: *gather around*  
  
Alanna: *yell of rage* I'll get you! *throws fire at the pile of twigs and they burst into flame*  
  
Jon: Well I guess Alanna was tired of being cold  
  
Owen: This is a jolly warm fire! *is holding hands in front of roaring purple flames*  
  
Alanna: *smiles smugly at the matches* So there! I didn't need you!  
  
Kel: *scoops up matches before Alanna can blow them up*  
  
Dom: Smart move Kel! *turns red when Alanna glares at him*  
  
Kel: *dumps 'food' into a pot and holds it over the fire*  
  
Dom: *looks into the pot* We're eating grass?!  
  
Kel: *pouts* It's the only thing I could find!  
  
Faithful: Tell the girl with the grass in the pot to empty it, I have REAL food.  
  
Alanna: Kel, Faithful says he has REAL food, so you should dump the grass out!  
  
All except Kel: YAY! REAL FOOD!  
  
Kel: *whines* But it took me all day to collect this grass!  
  
All: TOO BAD!  
  
Kel: *mutters about heartless people and dumps out her pot of specialty grass*  
  
Faithful: Alanna, tell Dom and Owen to follow me!  
  
Alanna: OWEN! DOM! Go with Faithful!  
  
Owen: *mutters* She's jolly bossy!  
  
Dom: Aww shut up!  
  
Five Minutes Later  
  
Dom: Look *pant* we *pant* have fish! *pant*  
  
Kel: You need to get into better shape Dom! *laughs*  
  
Dom: Ya ya, lets see you drag fish through the Arctic!  
  
Kel: *shrugs and throws the fish in the pot*  
  
½ hour later  
  
Dom: That was good! I vote Kel our cook, so long as you don't try to cook anymore grass! *smirks at Kel*  
  
Alanna: As long as it isn't me!  
  
All: Thank goodness! *laugh at Alanna*  
  
Alanna: *pouts* Its not MY fault I can't cook!  
  
All: *climb into their very impressive shelter with walls of ice and evergreen boughs for a roof*  
  
________________________________________________________________  
  
outstab - outlive - outkill 


End file.
